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When you are young, you were warned about strangers who try to grab or hurt young people. Those are called molesters. Molesters are almost always sexual abuse/incest is a violation of trust between an adult and an unsuspecting person, or any person in a position of authority who abuses someone else’s trust and/ or violates their body. It is any form of sexual abuse, whether overt or covert, which is directed at someone who is an unwilling participant, or is too young to make a rational choice. This abuse can be obscene talk or gestures, rape, fondling, sodomy, oral sex or intercourse. Sexual abuse happens between a man and a female victim; a man and a male victim; a woman and a female victim; and a woman and a male victim. Both sexes are perpetrators, and both sexes are victims.

The incest and sexual abuse we are going to discuss are the ugly kinds. The abuse no one ever wants to talk about: parents sexually abusing children: teachers or ministers abusing children placed in their care: date rape or rape by a spouse: babysitters molesting their charges. Sexual abuse can happen to a person at any age. Others are abused as young adults or older. men. And they are usual strangers or so we are taught to believe. But did you know that people your age are much more likely to be hurt or bothered sexually by a person they know well, like a coach? It can be a scout leader, a neighbor, a doctor, a teacher, a minister, or father of a friend.

We are taught to respect and obey older persons. The hardest thing about sexual abuse is that the abuser is usually someone you trust. They are usually well respected by society. It can be someone who is responsible for your care. It may be some one you love. It is almost always someone you want to care about you. The problem is that you may not know how to act or react or what to say when this happens.

The first step in dealing with sexual abuse is learning how to say no. The problem is that saying no to an adult or someone you trust is not always easy. However saying no to the victim that you were will help you identify your problem and how to get help.

Rules to remember about sexual abuse

Your body belongs to you
A)You, and only you, should decide how to use your body sexually. In sexual abuse, some who is older and more powerful decides how to use your body. This is wrong and you have a right to say no.

Sexual abuse is never your fault
A)Children are not responsible for what adults or other persons do. Abuse is not their faults, even if they cannot say no or if they enjoy the attention they get from the abuser. Nothing a child does, or doesn’t do, excuses an older person who uses a child for sexual pleasure.

Sexual abuse is always harmful
A)Sexual abuse always hurts the child. Sometimes the child’s body is hurt. If a girl who is old enough to have children is abused, she can get pregnant. But the deepest hurt is the way sexual abuse makes children feel. Children feel bad about themselves, which makes it hard for them to work in school, to make friends or even have fun.

Good people can do bad things
A)What’s hard to believe is that someone we trust and love or who is kind to us can sexually abuse us. Abusers may be good persons in other ways. They may give presents. They may even be gentle when they want sex. But the abuser is very wrong and must be stopped!

Sexual abuse does not stop by itself
A)Sexual abuse is hard to talk about. Children are afraid of the abuser. But sexual abuse usually goes on until the abuser is made to stop. The best way is to tell an adult who will listen and do something about it. Child workers, whose job is to protect children from abuse. Adults know how to find these people.

Keep telling people you trust about sexual abuse until someone listens
A)Some adults may not believe a child. Other adults may tell the young person to forget about the problem. But remember, sexual abuse does not stop by itself. If one adult doesn’t do the right thing, tell another who will.

What happens to a sexual abuser is never your fault
A)Because sexual abuse is a crime, some abusers go to jail. Others leave the house. When the abuser is someone you care about, it becomes hard. Some abusers stop when they are told it is wrong. Some abusers need to see a doctor. Remember, only the sexual abuser is responsible for what happens when abuse is uncovered.

Those are the 7 important rules to remember

In the article from Psychology Today, gives use an in-depth view of the mind of a child molester. Alan X was seven when he lured a boy of 5 into a storage shed, his first offense. When he lured the boy he manipulated him into pulling down his pants and underpants. Alan experiences a thrill at the fact that he was able to make that boy do any that he wanted. He was the youngest of three children born into a mid-class working family. His family operated in a very cold, detached and formal fashion. Communications between them were more an exercise in intelligence and civility than a genuine sharing of feelings, experience and concern.

One day he was caught engaged in mutual fondling with another boy younger than himself by his mother. She was horrified. She tried to scrub the dirt off of him while screaming that “Only twisted, sick and evil people do things like that!” It was then that he found a way to justify his actions. He was sick and evil just as his mother had said. He began to identify himself around his sense of difference. Alan learned the most important things about his victims by listening. Alan became friends with the family that he targeted. He tried change his ways. He joined a local church and earned the trust of everyone. He was asked to lead the boy scouts troops he declined but later accepted to lead them until someone else can fully take the job. He was at once surrounded by all the old feeling. He would test the boys that he targeted if they could keep a secret, once they could and he knew that they became his victims.

He was caught by a mother that found a picture of her son in a sexual position. Later others came forward. He pleaded guilty to all charges and received five to six consecutive life sentences in prison without parole. Before he was sentenced he was put on Lupron {an anti-androgen that lowers testosterone}.If this had been available to Alan 20 to 30 years ago maybe he wouldn’t have molested more then 1,000 boys.

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